polished by tu-anh

written by Steven Gaffney

Are there life principles that you used to live by, but now you don’t? Have you ever allowed someone to spook you to such an extent that you change your behavior? It’s natural to let someone’s bad reaction derail us from doing what we know needs to be done. I encounter this reality so often as I speak with people across the country about communication issues that I have a name for it: The Halloween Principle – because people get spooked, and then they start living according to fear rather than the life principles they believe in.

The sad part is we often do this subconsciously, meaning that we’re unaware of how much a past situation is affecting our present. If left unnoticed and unchecked, our changed behavior could even alter our future.

It often takes someone to point it out before we can say to ourselves, “That is so true. I know what needs to be done and I know certain life principles work, but I’m not living that way.”

To help you see whether you’ve been spooked, let’s look at a few life principles that most people believe in but have trouble living by because the Halloween Principle has taken over.

1. Honesty Is the Best Policy

Most people I meet believe that honesty is the best policy. They may even believe they live by it. But on further examination, they don’t. When they are upset, they stuff what they are thinking and feeling and tell others that things are okay. Or when people ask them for feedback, they spin their answers to sound nice and pleasant out of fear that if they say what they really think, that person will get defensive and react badly.

The result is that people don’t get their issues handled. In our personal lives this can lead to all kinds of trouble. Spouses fall out of love and get divorced. Kids fear telling their parents the truth or just don’t feel comfortable talking, so they stop talking with their parents and get advice and support from peers instead. Good friends get annoyed or angry, drop out of communication, and friendships slips away. When issues aren’t handled in our professional lives, program and project problems can escalate into bigger problems; good employees get fed up and leave, and clients and customers stop hiring us.

Considering all these negative ramifications, why do people continue to withhold, spin, and alter the truth when they know that honesty is integral to fixing problems? After all, someone can’t fix a problem if they don’t know about the problem.

When I ask people why they withhold or spin the truth, they often say, “I used to be more honest and straightforward. But awhile back, I was in a situation and….”

And then they proceed to tell me how a boss, a spouse, a co-worker, or a friend got upset when they spoke the truth and took it out on them in one way or another. No wonder people get spooked.

2. The Law of Reflection

The Law of Reflection says that whatever we give out in life, we tend to get back. You may say it another way: what goes around comes around, you reap what you sow, do unto others, but it’s all the Law of Reflection.

Most people know this is a sound principle to live by, but few implement it to it its fullest capability. For example, sometimes a person chooses not to give as much as they could because in the past they encountered someone who took and took – and kept on taking until they drained that person dry. So that person allowed someone’s selfishness to stop them from giving their heart and soul to others. In other words, they allowed the person to spook them and started to live by the Halloween Principle.

On further reflection, this person may realize that we all run into selfish people from time to time, even people so selfish that they’ll take advantage of others. But that is no reason to stop living the Law of Reflection — because there are always exceptions to the rule. In general, however, the more we give and help out others — whether that’s our boss, our co-workers, our employees, our spouse, or our

friends — the better our life will work.

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This session will focus on increasing the overall effectiveness and efficiency of the organization to increase growth. In this facilitated session, participants will develop a list of ideas to improve the organization, isolate the top 3 most important ideas, develop a workable plan (using Steven Gaffney Company’s proprietary process) to implement those ideas, and then present, adjust and ultimately adopt the appropriate plans to implement and be accountable after the session. Click here to learn more…

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Choose to Overcome the Spook

No principle will always work out just right. But as a whole, these life principles do work and provide benefits to us and to others For that reason, we have to stop letting people spook us. We need to make our choices and live by our principles rather than allowing others to derail us and dictate how we’re living. When we become aware of the Halloween Principle, it gives us the power to choose a different course of action— the one we know is right for us.

Here are a few practical recommendations for disarming the Halloween Principle:

1. Separate: When you feel an internal disconnect between the way you want to live and the way you currently are living, try to remember when that disconnect started. Then ask yourself why you’re allowing that situation to continue to affect you. Maybe it is time to separate from the situation by forgiving and letting go. If you can’t let it go yet, implement some practices to work on it. If you are not sure of one, contact us and we can give you some simple recommendations that produce a profound effect.

2. Counteract: There are several ways to counteract the Halloween Principle. First, surround yourself with people who have the attributes you want to live by. If you believe that honesty is the best policy, make sure the people around you are willing to tell you the truth and who won’t get defensive as you speak your truth. If you want to live by the Law of Reflection, then choose to be around people who try to help out and give value to others. Another important key to counteracting the Halloween Principle is to read books and articles, listen to podcasts and radio broadcasts, and watch DVDs that provide information, advice, and encouragement to live by the principles that are important to you. Remember this: insights can happen in an instant, but sustained change takes effort, reinforcement, and reminders.

3. Model: In the future when you encounter someone who spooks you from being yourself, ask yourself whether this is an exception or the new rule. Remind yourself that every life principle has exceptions, but overall, they do work. Choose to live your life principles – modeling them for yourself and others — rather than being controlled by your reaction to an exception. Think about the situation as a valuable reminder of the importance of standing up for what you know is right and taking responsibility for your life.

Who have you allowed to spook you? Have you stopped living by any of your life principles? Now that you are aware of the Halloween Principle, what are you going to do about it?

If you need help or would like more information, please send an email to info@stevengaffney.com.

In today’s incredibly competitive work world, we need to tap intothe resources, ideas, and knowledge of the people around us.  Research indicates that many of the greatest ideas do not come from the headquarters of an organization, but from the “front lines.” Front line staff members are the closest to the problems, issues, and challenges. They are the people who know the “nuts and bolts” and how things reallywork inside organizations. Without this information and perspective organizations can become stale, lose their competitive edge, and ultimately become extinct.

The key question is: Are people around you sharing their thoughts, ideas, and perspectives?  Have you created an environment in which people feel as if they can? One sign this may not be happening to the extent it needs to is, if after you uncover a problem, you find yourself saying, “If only I had known.”  Often the answers to many of our issues and problems exist; unfortunately, sometimes we don’t find out in time or we don’t find out at all.

Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we are usually hearing most of the ideas and opportunities around us. But, just consider how often you have seen other people (and maybe even yourself) not express their ideas because they rationalize no one cares or it won’t do any good? Therefore, it is only logical to consider that others might be doing this with you. Unfortunately, sometimes we train and condition people not to share their ideas with us.  How and why does this happen? 

Click here to find out http://www.stevengaffney.com/blog/

This article belongs to the Steven GaffneyCompany, please call 1-877-6-HONEST (646-6378) for permission torepublish in print or online.

Are you where you thought you would be as the new year begins?

Have you put off changes that you need to make?

Are there people zapping your energy and robbing you of what you could achieve? 

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, here are 9 crucial actions that can help ensure that 2010 will be a great year for you. These actions can put your life on a different path. It’s like flipping the switch on a train track — the initial change is minimal, but down the line the difference can be enormous.

1. Distance yourself from the dream crushers, naysayers, and negative influences. Just like we are what we eat, we are a product of the people we spend time with and the information we take in. Who are you surrounding yourself with? What are you reading? How much are you dwelling on negative news stories?  I am not suggesting that we put our heads in the sand. I am suggesting that we fill our minds with the influences that empower us.  Take the time to clean house.

2. Let go of the garbage that you are carrying. Reach out to someone you have written off (but still think about), or to someone you’ve given up on or had some problem with. Talk to that person and do what it takes (legally of course) to reach some sort of resolution and put the situation behind you. Ask the other person, “What would it take for us to put this behind us?”  Their input can help you create a solution that works for everyone. By reaching out and having a conversation, you are extending the olive branch. This canc reate a new beginning and trigger conversations and events that can ultimately change your life. Remember: forgiveness is a gift you givey ourself. Make 2010 the year you give that gift. (For more informationon our 7-step procedure on how to forgive and let go of anything, checkout the corresponding chapter in Honesty Works: Real-World Solutions to Common Problems at Work and Home.)

3. Live 2010 with a long-term perspective. Ask yourself these questions: “When I am 90 years old and I look back at 2010, what do I want to say happened? What do I want to say that I accomplished?”  Be clear and honest with yourself about what is important to you in your relationships, in your job, and in your life.This might sound simple, but sadly many people drift year after year and let time pass by without really figuring out what is most important to them. Remember, time is one commodity we can never replenish. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. When you are not sure what to do, think about what your ninety-year-old self would tell you to do in 2010. Then take action. 

4. Stop negotiating things that are not negotiable. Are you suffering because you are being flexible and letting go of your standards and principles that are important to you? Decide what is negotiable vs. what is really not negotiable to you. If you are not clear, how can others be. Then let others know and take a stand. Many people get inspired when boundaries are set because clarity gives them power to focus their time and energy on areas of flexibility.

Click here for Crucial Actions 5-9 to Jump-Start 2010! 

This article belongs to the Steven Gaffney Company, please call 1-877-6-HONEST (646-6378) for permission to republish in print or online.

With more than 50% of Americans being overweight. Loosing weightisone of the most popular resolutions in America year after year.Duringthe holiday season, we tend to gain weight from all thoseholidayparties and social gatherings. Below is a list of to do's thatyou canchallenge yourself to take on and shed those pounds! Remembertovisualize and imagine that you can do it. You will see results inaweek if you really follow all 30 recommendations. Good luck and keepmeposted on your progress.

1. eat 1-2 apples a day

2. sleep 7-8 hours a day

3. drink 2-3 cups of natural unsweetened organic green tea a day

4. eat celery or carrot sticks dipped in hummus

5 eat only fish or chicken

6. drop all the artificial sugar flavorings and cut out the sodas

7. limit coffee to one cup a day (drink it black or w/o sugar)

8. lower your intake of alcohol or no alcohol at all for a month

9. walk 30 minutes everyday 5 times a week

10. have sex more often ( 3-5 times a week)

11. smile or laugh more, it will keep you young and burn calories

12. travel to southeast asia, you'll burn calories from walking in the heat and drinking lots of water

13. park your car further away when going shopping or to work

14. take the stairs instead of elevator

15. learn something new that challenges your mind and body (dancing, painting, sports)

16. do 5 minutes of deep stretching and breathing every morning

17. stay away from negative people who will drain you

18. get a dog, it will make you more active

19. say "I love you" to people you care about.

20. eat fruit only after 5pm

21. take a warm herbal bath once a week with candles and soothing music in the background

22. limit the amount of politics and news you watch daily. It can stress you out.

23. eat plain low fat yogurt with blueberries and unsalted walnuts

24. cut the carbs if you can and replace with sweet or red potatoes

25. drop a routine habit and try something new in place of it

26. quit smoking if you are a smoker

27. spend more time with people you care about and people who add value to your life

28. de-clutter your personal space...it will definitely release some stress

29. if you don't like your job, that can add stress. So look for a job that you like

30. take more long weekends it... does not have to be far or you don't have to spend lots of $$$

This article belongs to tu-anh, please email info@tu-anh.com for permission to republish in print or online.